"You just take a wee seat there, love. I'm off for a whizz."
I step off the tarmac ribbon to cross the machair towards the public toilet over by the burn. Once inside, the unmistakable scent of piss over porcelain and concrete.
Oh she was a wee beauty all those years ago. I mind how her girly smile on that wee face lifted me away. And she had more than enough o-levels for the job. She just lacked confidence, coming as she did from a poor family stuck on a rough estate.
Aye, I knew even then I'd be taking her off the payroll to make her my bride. Almost a child bride. Am I really such a dirty old man? Was I? Nothing at all illegal about it. Her mother, herself very much a looker by the way, certainly saw sense in it.
Aye, we had many good years since then - years when I could provide home comforts and holidays abroad and anything else she would ever need. And my pension still does a' that to this day.
Those passing years when I felt more in command. And was she not a trophy worthy of display? Abso-bloody-lutely. One who kept me forever young in the green eyes of others? Oh aye. Oh aye.
But I do recall the day of my fifty-first birthday when I caught her smiling and joking with those two flash bastards, one of whom had his eyes all over her. My wife then still not yet thirty. "No, I'm no' her bloody faither," I scowled at them, pulling her away with a stony glower. Aye, I do have to watch her. Keep her straight. I know I'm slowing down even as she continues to bloom. Still, our daughter gives us stability.
As I struggle up off the pan it occurs to me that the wee lassie I once swept off her feet will soon enough be my carer. Now there's a hellish thought; like havin' to pay back the Devil for what he helped me help maself tae as a younger man. A blessing is a curse right enough.
Hands rinsed, dried, and oot we go. Back into fresh air ... "where my true love does wait for me".
***
Ah kind of hope he'll go away now, because Jack will be back. Mind you, this fat bespectacled baldie with grey beard and dark moustache is actually quite polite and, strangely for me, a pleasure to exchange the time o' day wi'.
And a' he wanted was to pat wee Dana efter she pulled on her lead for his attention. Ah think she remembers him for the roll he was eating when we passed back along the prom. Fly, tarty bugger she is.
This fella is about halfway between Jack's an' my age, aboot sixty or mibbe late fifties. Ah'm no' sure that he's flirtatious so much as just open and friendly. He's no' really eyed me up, which is a pity in some ways but a blessing too.
Mind, he's no' afraid to bend near me and play daft wi' Dana.
"She's beautiful," he says, still lookin' down at her. "How old's she?"
"Four months."
"Ah've never seen a fully black labrador before. She's gorgeous."
"She's my daughter's. We're looking efter her today and decided ti bring her on her first trip tae the seaside."
"Fantastic," the fella beams. Whatever he is, this fella is nae threat ti me.
He's so different from Jack. From how Jack ever was. No' that Ah didn't love Jack. No' that I don't love Jack still. And though Ah dinnae fancy this fella, Ah'm reminded that there's a wider world Ah could have chosen from, once upon a time.
But Ah made my bed a' those years ago. An' Jack still lies in it. Ah guess Ah always kent oor differences, oor needs, would get more pronounced as time stretched us further and thinner.
Ah can only wonder now what it'd've been like to have married somebody close my own age, growin' auld together in a mair symmetrical fashion. But men always like their women young. Don't they?
Jack can be so jealous. Oh aye. And he's right to be, given a' those many opportunities Ah've sacrificed along the way. Well, nearly them a'.
***
Ah'm sure that's the wee dug that wanted my cheese an' tomato roll back there doon the promenade. What a braw wee cutie! And the owner's pretty nice too. Oh aye, though Ah've neither means nor interest in pursuing such fripperies as Ah once did. Naw,
But it stays in my pants; as if there's any other possible scenario, eh? Mind, the lass has a lovely smile as I ask aboot the wee black pup. Ah'm careful to get her permission tae stroke it and she seems happy enough wi' a moment or two's distraction.
That's something Ah like about living here on the coast. Loads o' dugs seem to come up tae me for a pet; and so Ah get tae meet new folk who ye then might greet or chat to on some later occasion.
Ah start wonderin' where her man is. But Ah reckon he's maybe away at the shunkie. Aye, that makes sense. Ah cannae really mind what he looks like. But it was definitely them what passed me earlier wi' the wee pup.
Just as Ah'm thinkin' a' that her other half comes back. He looms in from behind and scoops up the dug - starin' daggers as if saying "Ah dinnae want you here. Go away!" Oh what a face on him! Defiance made flesh! Well, Ah suppose Ah can understand. Ah'm a man an' a', eh?
Me bein' polite, havin' asked God time and time again in ma prayers how to show grace towards others, Ah turn to thank the woman. She smiles back, an' as Ah leave Ah say, "She's very beautiful." Ah could have said mony other things. Cruel things tae her man. Crushing things. For the old bissum annoyed me by thinkin' the worst o' my intentions: "Ah was just saying to your carer ...".
Aye, there was a time Ah was like that. Vicious. But Ah hope such days are long past.
In truth, Ah dinnae want their day upset or to cause any friction between them. Ah'm sure Ah've read a' the signals right.
So instead, Ah'm just writin' this quiet wee story.
_______
© copyright Russell Cavanagh