MAN MADE FLASH FICTION

"You just take a wee seat there, love. I'm off for a whizz."           I step off the tarmac ribbon to cross the machair towards the public toilet over by the burn. Once inside, the unmistakable scent of piss over porcelain and concrete.           Oh she was a wee beauty all those years ago. I mind how her girly smile on that wee face lifted me away. And she had more than enough o-levels for the job. She just lacked confidence, coming as she did from a poor family stuck on a rough estate.          Aye , I knew even then I'd be taking her off the payroll to make her my bride. Almost a child bride. Am I really such a dirty old man? Was I? Nothing at all illegal about it. Her mother, herself very much a looker by the way, certainly saw sense in it.           Aye, we had many good years since then - years when I could provide home comforts and holidays abroad and anything else ...

  "Did you take it?"           "F*ck no."           "You sure?"           "Why? Did you take it?"           "No."           "Well then ..."           Curry was miffed at Ross for mirroring his question.           Ash, Curry's best pal, watched the exchange from a computer chair. He was smoking a blunt as he listened to his two very different friends.           His bedsit hid behind curtains always pulled across a window that never opened. Ten empty bottles and two full ashtrays set the scene.           "You want any of this?" Curry asked, pushing a five-skinner at Ross.           "No, thanks."           Curry's eyebrows raised. "You sure?"   ...

"Eh? Whit?"           "Gie me twae poond." Looking far from destitute if somewhat bedraggled in her later middle age, this chancer was pure taking the piss.           "Nup," said Kieran.          Without  further comment she strode on through the chill morning towards another stranger. Kieran continued on his way now thinking about economic inflation and beggars with brass necks.           But several yards further down the pedestrian precinct he stopped in his tracks. He recalled a previous beggar who'd asked him for the exact same amount. That previous lass had been a druggie of indeterminate age. The venue that time was an almost empty platform in Partick subway station. She'd started by asking when the next train was due - even as they both stood bang next to a noticeboard clearly indicating "NEXT TRAIN: 3 mins". Kieran had refused the £2 request back then as well....

Quite a long time ago I existed on the dole in Edinburgh. One of life’s few pleasures back then was the prestigious Usher Hall selling unsold seats for a mere £4 to welfare claimants on performance days.           Dressed in finest poverty, including a woollen coat bought from a charity shop, I regularly witnessed world-class orchestras play their symphony music.           One time I was even blessed to land a centre seat at the front of the first circle.           The usher collecting tickets that night stared down at me with contemptuous disbelief as I climbed plush carpeted stairs to where he maintained guard. This fellow recognised me, as I did him, from his day job working for the dole office.           Oh how delicious it was to see his demeanour change when presented with my pass for what was undoubtedly the best vantage point in the entire theatre. Perhaps it d...